


The Shadow Realms

by SapphireSmoke



Series: Sundae Morning [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIII Series, Final Fantasy XIII-2
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Guilt, Romance, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 07:10:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1336606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireSmoke/pseuds/SapphireSmoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Goddess fell, all of her children became trapped in the void between worlds known as the Shadow Realms. When Lightning arrives unexpectedly from her voluntary stasis, she’s told that with Etro gone she will never wake up; but would that really be so terrible, when she’d be allowed to spend eternity with her sister?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shadow Realms

**Author's Note:**

> **Beta:** [BellaRei713](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/641948/BellaRei713)  
>  **Timeline:** After the DLC “Requiem of the Goddess” ending in FFXIII-2  
>  **A/N:** I mess with the lore of Bhunivelze a little in this story, as frankly I think LR missed a golden opportunity to use him as a metaphor for Christianity wiping out some of the old polytheistic religions. As such, there are slight spoilers for _Lightning Returns_ in this story – not many though, since most of what’s mentioned you could really get from just the opening scene of the game. Also, if you’re sitting there thinking that this is an innocent sister!fic, you’re about to get scarred. Turn back now while you still can, lol.

Absolute stillness; preservation… that was what this was supposed to be.

Yet the second Lightning felt herself slip away from this world, it wasn’t in the same peaceful way that the Goddess had once provided her with. Her skin seared in pain as it formed to crystal before her eyes, and suddenly panic erupted in the guardian’s chest as she realized that something was wrong. Yet as she felt herself harden into her eternal penance, Lightning knew it was too late. She had made the wrong choice, whispered the wrong wish, and now she would bear the consequences of her actions once more.

It wasn’t at all like slipping into a dream. She was being pulled; sucked into a void of darkness and despair as Lightning tried, desperately, to fight against its grip. The air was pushed from her lungs and Lightning struggled to breathe as suddenly she was falling, tumbling down a never ending black hole that threatened to consume everything that she was. She saw herself in the distance; the crystal figure sitting regally atop the throne that meant to bear her prison, and yet she was no longer inside it. Her soul had detached from her body, plummeting downwards into a world she did not know.

A scream ripped from her lungs, yet it was born from despair rather than fear. It echoed in her mind and threatened to deafen her as an inky blackness clouded her vision and a cold wind wrapped her in its embrace. Falling… falling…

Would this be her eternity? Nothing but an endless void that robbed her of her senses? It would madden her to stay here, yet nothing touched Lightning’s fingers as she ached to find a grip on some kind of reality.

It felt as though she fell for nearly half her life.

And then there was a bright flash of light, the sight of it blinding Lightning even more than the endless darkness, and a sharp gasp of pain escaped her lips once she felt herself hit something solid. As she struggled to get her bearings, the first thing Lightning took into account was her sudden nudity. She could feel the rubble beneath her piercing into her flesh in various areas of her body, and the guardian forced herself to sit up before they caused her even more discomfort.

It hurt to breathe. The air was so cold that it felt as though each breath froze her insides, and every hair stood on end as Lightning crumpled herself in a ball and wrapped her arms around her form, trying to preserve her body heat. It looked as though she had landed in ruins, yet the wind appeared as smoke and visibility was only a couple dozen feet. It felt hollow; lifeless, empty.

And then someone giggled.

It was disembodied, yet unmistakable. Lightning’s head snapped up and she demanded, “Yeul?” Yet in the end all she was met with was the howling wind and the sting of the cold. 

“Lightning…?”

Lightning felt her breath leave her as she whipped around to face the direction of the voice. Her sister was standing not fifteen feet before her beneath a stone archway, her face becoming shadowed by the darkening smoke that danced around them. Still, her form, her _voice_ was unmistakable, and Lightning struggled to get to her feet before crossing the distance between them.

“Serah…?”

Serah flickered; or rather, the image that was being projected of her flickered. Serah’s eyes were wide, disbelieving, and yet something else, something _more_ as she stared at her sister. “I’m dreaming again, aren’t I?” she asked, sounding so terribly saddened as her eyes roamed Lightning’s form. The guardian was very suddenly aware of her own nudity, and yet as she couldn’t be sure this was even real, she tried not to concern herself over it. Whatever this was, Serah certainly wasn’t in front of her.

“I should have… told you that you were beautiful,” Serah told her, brow creasing in distress as her eyes found her sister’s face again. Lightning’s expression matched hers, her grip around her abdomen tightening in an instinctual reaction that wasn’t born from the cold.

“What…?”

Serah’s image flickered again, distorting her face and making her voice short out for a moment. “—more important things, but I should have told you. I always wanted to tell you.”

Lightning didn’t understand why this felt so intense, and yet the weight of it threatened to crush her as she struggled to make sense of what was happening, where they were, why Serah was talking like this… “Serah, what are you—?”

“Would you have hated me?” Serah’s eyes connected with hers, her body flickering twice before seeming solid again. She took a step towards her, and Lightning felt her stomach twist in her gut as suddenly she feared that _she_ was the one who was dreaming.

“I could never hate you,” Lightning breathed honestly, still entirely perplexed about what was coming from the image of her sister. She was beginning to wonder if it was she herself who was projecting this, as what she read from it would only be born from inside of her own mind; a secret she had hidden away long ago, buried beneath her own fear and shame. It burned a hole inside of her now, and Lightning hated that it existed. “I _lived_ for you, Serah.”

Serah smiled, a soft laugh escaping her lips as she looked down and blushed. “Now I know I’m dreaming.” The smile didn’t leave her face as she caught her sister’s eyes once more. Yet another flicker, another distortion ripped Serah away from her for a short moment before she came back, telling her, “—glad I’m dreaming of you, Claire.”

She sounded almost shy about that.

“This isn’t real,” Lightning insisted, feeling her heart begin to pound mercilessly within her chest. Whatever this was, it must be some kind of trick; something wicked that was born from this place of madness that sought to reveal her secrets in order to break her. But Lightning Farron would not be broken; she had lived an eternity in a place where time stood still, and she refused to be shattered by the humanity she sometimes feared was slipping away from her.

“No,” Serah confirmed, her tone tinged with sadness and regret as she looked into the eyes of her elder sister. She reached for her then, her hollow figure unable to touch flesh as she went to cup her cheek and finished, “But I wish that it was.”

Her fingertips connected then, just briefly, and their warmth startled Lightning so badly that she outwardly gasped. But then Serah was gone, blinking into nothingness and leaving Lightning alone in her despair. “Serah!” she called out, desperate for her to come back, despite knowing it was nothing more than a delusion.

She dropped to her knees then, her fists pounding on the ground in anguish as she fought for control over her emotions. It was just some _game,_ she rationalized; whoever’s dominion this was, they were playing with her, and she couldn’t allow them to win. And yet still, Lightning felt herself yearning for something that wasn’t real, as it was the only thing that could bring her comfort in this strange and hollow place.

“Your heart betrays you.”

Lightning whipped around to face the sound, yet it seemed that Yeul’s voice was echoing in the darkness around her, never coming from one specific spot. The woman picked herself up off the ground, wincing as the cold wind relentlessly stung her naked flesh like lashes from a whip. Folding her arms across her chest to try to preserve what little heat she had left, Lightning tried not to shake from the temperature as her eyes endlessly searched the void for the girl who belonged to the voice that was taunting her. 

“It cries out into the darkness, echoing through the realm and deafening us all. Here, your secrets etch themselves on the walls in blood and despair.”

Lightning’s hair stood on the back of her neck at that, not particularly enjoying how that sounded.

“Who is ‘us all’?” Lightning demanded instead, although she didn’t actually expect an answer. Therefore, when Yeul flickered into being before her, followed by another, and another, until she was surrounded by dozens upon dozens of the Paddra seeress, Lightning was noticeably startled. She backed up a few steps as she gasped, identical girls staring at her from all around.

“You must shut us out, it’s too much.”

Lightning faced the Yeul who had spoken, yet addressed a more important question. “Where am I? Is this a dream, a prison?”

“It is death,” another Yeul answered, causing Lightning to turn towards her instead. “When the Goddess fell, we followed after her; all of her servants, plummeting into the Shadow Realms as her eternity of peace ceased to exist. We are trapped, as are you. The void is our afterlife now, and we shall wander it until the end of time.”

Death… it was what she had wished for, wasn’t it? Her eternal penance, her final atonement; yet it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Etro was supposed to watch over them, she was supposed to be with her image of Serah in her eternal dream while she slept in stasis from now until the world finally crumbled beneath her crystal feet. Yet the Goddess had apparently fallen, and a searing pain ripped through the back of Lightning’s skull as she suddenly saw it all happening.

The rips in the timeline, the paradoxes they had both caused and undone. Her encouragement for Serah to make it right had ultimately led to the death of her sister and the destruction of the world. Everything had shattered around her, everyone she loved or cared for in some way being torn apart as they struggled to survive in a world that wasn’t meant for them. It made her chest ache and her vision blur, and suddenly Lightning realized she was on the ground again.

“The gift does not leave us,” the second Yeul told her. “Even in death, we will always see. It is our blessing and our curse, yet here it brings pain and suffering as it reaches for the worst moments. Can you not see why you must shut us out? Your pain echoes in our mind; screaming, crying. You must control it, or we shall all suffer your despair.”

“I’m _fine,_ ” Lightning hissed between her teeth, getting to her feet once more. She was not apt to admit weakness, especially to someone so untrustworthy. “Maybe it’s one of you who’s screaming, or are you always quick to blame the newcomer?”

“A love lost, a secret left unspoken, and you cry out her name in regret and anguish,” a third Yeul told her. “Serah…”

“Serah… Serah…” all of the Yeuls began chanting, and Lightning’s stomach plummeted and her throat constricted, struggling to find her next breath.

“Stop!” she demanded furiously, hoping it would mask the fear she felt inside at being so utterly exposed. “If you’re here to play games, play them with each other; I don’t have time for this.”

“In death, you have nothing _but_ time,” the first Yeul reminded her, which made Lightning scowl. Still, it at least made the other ones stop chanting her sister’s name; a small blessing amongst a sea of curses.

“If you shut us out, we will help you,” a new Yeul told her, and Lightning had to turn almost completely around to face her.

“And why should I trust you?” Lightning shot back, unable to hide the emotions that these circumstances had brought her. She felt so terribly raw and exposed, and it caused her to be defensive. “This, all of this… it _happened_ because of you. You were servants of the Goddess and you betrayed your maker.”

“No,” another Yeul next to the last who had spoken interjected. “Etro’s downfall was born from Caius’ desire to save Yeul, yet in doing so he doomed the rest of us to this eternity. It was something we never wanted. This was not the way the future was meant to be shaped; even she knows that.”

“Isn’t ‘she’ _you?_ ” Lightning questioned, staring one of them dead in the eyes. “Isn’t ‘she’ all of you?”

“She bears our face, our name, but she is not us,” the first Yeul told her, making Lightning almost have to turn completely around once more to face her. She really wished only one of them would address her. “We are different, each of us. We are _people,_ not an entity. But together, we serve the same purpose, and have the same values and devotion to our gift. And what happened… it was not meant to be. Each of us knows this.”

The rest of the Yeuls around her nodded in succession.

Lightning grit her teeth as she fought the instinct to have them chatter. She knew at least, if nothing else, she wouldn’t die from this cold, as one could not die twice. Still, it was beginning to become unbearable, and Lightning wasn’t exactly thrilled to be standing here completely naked in front of dozens of people either. So finally, she succumbed to her weaknesses, and made a decision she hoped she wasn’t going to regret. “Help me _how?_ ”

One of the Yeuls smiled at her before beginning her approach. Lightning stiffened instinctually, but the girl said, “Do not be afraid; here, there is no war, there are no sides. We are equals, all of us.”

“There’s a difference between being afraid and being wary.”

“Perhaps, but neither are needed in this place. We have all succumbed to the same fate, and with the guardian gone, there is no hope for our return.”

Lightning’s brow creased. “The guardian,” she repeated slowly. “You mean me?”

Yeul nodded. “You were to be the Savior, yet in the chaos of the deteriorating timeline you chose a path that was not paved for you. With the Goddess gone, there is no one strong enough to free you from your prison and guide you towards your true destiny, and so you will forever remain trapped in this place, just as the rest of us will. In the end, we are all the same. We are all without hope.”

More blame, more _guilt_ rested on her shoulders and Lightning found she hated herself, hated _her_ for it. She hated this place, she hated what the world had become. She hated her entire part in it, and she hated what it brought about. Why had Etro chosen her? Had the Goddess truly not known that she would be her downfall?

Yeul smiled at her sympathetically. “There is no use in dwelling on that which cannot be changed. For now, concern yourself with seeing your beloved again, for that is what we are offering in exchange for your heart’s silence.”

Lightning sucked in a sharp breath at the seeress’ words, yet did not bother contradicting them, as apparently in this place, everything she felt bled into their reality. “Serah’s _here…?”_

Yeul peered up at her. “Did you not see her?”

“I thought…” Lightning breathed, but wasn’t able to finish her sentence. _I thought it wasn’t real._

And so did Serah, apparently.

Which put into question so many things that Lightning couldn’t bear to think about, for she was sure that should Serah have been real, then she had most certainly just misinterpreted her sister’s meaning. She was seeing what she wanted to see, nothing more. It was no doubt a part of whatever sickness she had inside of her that made her crave such things.

“She heard you cry out, as we all did,” Yeul told her, her hands folded neatly in front of her. “It brought her to you, but she was unable to hold her form as she did not believe it to be true. We move through this realm not on foot, but by sense; and should you only search the darkness for her soul, you will find her once more.”

“How?” Lightning asked, her voice barely above a whisper. It was as though she was daring herself to believe, yet afraid to do so all the same. Her sister… her sister had been the reason she chose this path, but to see her again, to be by her side for all of eternity…

That would be a gift that would fill even the hollowest of places.

“First, you must silence your heart to us,” Yeul told her, placing her hand on Lightning’s chest. The guardian started at the feeling of it, but quickly calmed herself once she realized the girl did not really mean her any harm.

“Look, could you… maybe tell me how to get some clothes around here before we do this?” Lightning suggested, feeling a little awkward at the touch of a hand against the swell of her breast. A Yeul behind her giggled, and another one hushed her, only to succumb and giggle with her other self.

Lightning pursed her lips into a thin line, unamused. The Yeul in front of her smirked, but thankfully did not laugh like some of the others.

“Everything here is a product of your own will; you are naked because you will it, so simply do _not._ ”

“Why on Cocoon would I will myself to be naked?” Lightning countered, looking at the girl like she was being ridiculous. Who on earth would choose to be naked and freezing right now, in a strange place that she did not know?

“You have regret,” one of the Yeul’s further back told her. “You have guilt. You believe you must be punished for what happened, do you not?"

Lightning said nothing, and it spoke volumes.

“ _That_ is why you are bare. That is why you freeze.”

“So this place isn’t meant to be a punishment for all of us?” Lightning asked disbelievingly, because in just the way that it presented itself, it seemed as though that was its purpose. It was dark, empty, cold… this was not an afterlife for those who were blessed, that much was certain.

“The Shadow Realms may feed off of despair, but only to those who succumb to the darkness,” Yeul explained. “We are not meant for this place; we are victims of circumstance. We were born from Etro herself – a being of the purest light – which has left a light inside of all of us; a part of her grace. And should you only cast that light where shadows dwell, they will cease to exist.”

Yeul’s words were probably meant to give her hope, and yet all it did was cause the woman to deflate. Hadn’t she _already_ succumbed to the darkness? Lightning was filled with so much pain and regret, enough to believe that she should be punished for her wrongdoings. How then, would she be able to change it? It wasn’t as though she could simply rid herself of her guilt.

Still, maybe there was another way.

In the end, the only thing that truly mattered to Lightning was her sister. Everything that she had done in life she did for her; why would the afterlife be any different? So Lightning focused on her need to see Serah again, for her need to bring comfort to her sister so she would know that she wasn’t alone in this place. And with how she was now, naked and freezing and suffering, that would not be conducive to that goal. Serah was all that mattered; not her guilt, not her regret. _Serah._

Suddenly, Lightning was surrounded by clouds of dark smoke. They danced around her limbs and whispered against her skin, leaving behind the armor that she had worn whilst standing guard over Etro’s temple in Valhalla. Yeul smiled at her.

“Do you feel better now?”

Lightning released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding as she straightened her spine. “Let’s just do this.”

The seeress nodded, placing her hand on Lightning’s chest once more.

“You must look inward,” Yeul instructed her. “As the Goddess’ children, we are the only ones connected in this place; it is why you cannot hear the pain of so many others who dwell here. Us, your sister, we have learned to keep what we feel within. Now it is your turn.”

“Are you going to tell me to ‘will it’ again?” Lightning asked flatly, sensing a pattern. Yeul shot her a look.

“It is unwise to mock the only freedom you have in this place,” Yeul warned her. “The fal'Cie who has dominion over this realm understands that we are not meant to be here, but with Etro gone, he is no longer bound to respect her wishes. Be glad for what little power you were allowed to keep.”

Lightning pursed her lips, but said nothing. It was not her intention to mock it; she was merely frustrated by the disorienting chain of events which led her here, and was eager to find solace in this strange realm. Still, as it wasn’t like her to apologize for her actions to anyone – save only her sister – Lightning kept herself silent.

“Everything in this world can be thought of as merely a gateway,” Yeul continued, trying to explain in terms that Lightning would understand. “When you wish to see your sister, all you must do is step through it, and you will find it already opened for you. Everything here, for us, is already at our disposal, but what you must do is close and lock the one that brings you pain, as it will continue to spread outwards and affect us all if you fail to contain it.”

Lightning nodded, hoping she understood what Yeul meant, and closed her eyes. Searching within herself, the guardian tried to imagine a gate around her heart. Whatever Yeul was doing as she touched her was helping, and it was as though she were weaving through mazes in order to reach her destination. It was incredibly disorienting, and yet fascinating all the same as Lightning’s fingers closed around that which she had envisioned, and pushed until it clicked shut. Yeul’s hand immediately fell from her body.

“Thank you,” she told her, sounding relieved. It made her wonder how unbearable it was for the girl, to hear her pain echoing in her head. Which then made her think of Serah, and Lightning found she hoped that her sister was not so in touch with what was going on in this place, for the last thing she ever wanted was for Serah to suffer on her behalf.

“So to find my sister, I have to just… envision a gate?” Lightning questioned, needing to know exactly how to do this until the plethora of Yeuls left her alone in this place once more.

“Her soul will speak to you in the darkness,” another Yeul told her, causing Lightning’s gaze to rest on her. “You are bound not only by Etro’s gift, but by blood; and to find one another again all you must do is trust your connection. When you hear her call, find the gate that separates you, and then walk through it. You will be by her side once again.”

Lightning’s brow furrowed. “If she’s silenced her heart, how will I hear her?”

“You must listen with more than your ears. She may have silenced her heart, but she has not silenced her voice. She despairs without you, and traps herself in illusions in order to not face the truth.”

Lightning’s brow furrowed. She had trapped herself in illusions? _What_ illusions, exactly; Snow, her friends, happiness? Perhaps. Still, for her sister to be able to wrap herself in something like that here seemed odd, for hadn’t she only been here just as short of a time as Lightning had? How then, was she able to learn how to control things in this realm so quickly?

“Close your eyes,” Yeul instructed her. “Listen.”

Lightning did as instructed, eager to see her sister once more.

The guardian thought of nothing but her sister, unsure if that was the route to take in order to open herself up to Serah’s message, yet believing in it all the same. After a few moments a voice began to echo in the back of her mind, a distorted sound with no foreseeable source; it sounded light though, easy… perhaps even happy. “—miss touching you; sometimes, it’s the only thing that reminds me that this is—”

But it shorted out into nothing as Lightning gasped and opened her eyes. She expected nothing more; perhaps even that she had broken the connection due to her surprise that it had even worked, yet when her vision cleared she saw something distorting in the air behind Yeul. Instinctively, Lightning moved towards it.

It was a swirl of color, barely distinguishable except for flashes of rose colored hair and pale skin. A smile; Lightning saw a smile, and her feet moved faster. “Serah!” she called out, although she doubted her sister could even hear her. There were voices in the back of her mind, or perhaps even coming from the portal, but Lightning could barely hear them; she was too focused on what she was seeing right then.

“Lies will always scream louder than the rest,” Yeul told her as Lightning approached what she could only assume was the ‘gate’ the girl was talking about. But hadn’t she said to imagine it? Was this a product of her own mind then, or something more? “For they bear the pain of the truth one cannot accept.”

“Is she imagining me?” Lightning asked breathlessly as she looked into the portal. For a moment, it looked like Serah was with _her_ , but she couldn’t be certain.

Yeul giggled, then another followed suit before a third hushed them, grabbed their hands, and disappeared into a puff of smoke. “Hey!” Lightning called out, but it was in vain. The Yeuls started fading into nothing one by one until the first who had spoken to her was all that was left.

“Step into the gate,” the girl told her, smiling like she had a secret, “and you shall see.”

And then she, too, disappeared into nothing.

Lightning released a frustrated breath, not particularly wanting to be left until she was certain she could do this, but it seemed that option was not left to her. Still, her connection with Serah must be strong, for the gateway did not disappear despite her distractions. Lightning looked up at the swirls of color, her breath catching in her throat and heart pounding in her chest, before she found herself unable to linger any longer, and stepped through it.

The world around her changed. No longer was she standing amongst ruins, but in a house; a bedroom. Her sister lay on the bed in the center of the room, her head on the chest of an image of Lightning herself, looking up at the clone with a smile on her face as she played idly with the woman’s fingers. The sight of it, with their legs intertwined and the snug fit of their bodies, looked so incredibly intimate that Lightning audibly gasped.

It drew attention.

Serah’s gaze fell to her, her eyes widening in surprise and confusion before landing on the image of Lightning that lay with her on the bed. The illusion flickered momentarily, becoming an image of Snow instead in the sudden wake of Serah’s panic, before it dissipated all together and everything about this dream of her sister’s fell away to nothing, leaving only an inky blackness in its wake; a hollow void that seemed endless save the smoke that swirled around them, licking their skin and reminding them of where they really were.

“No,” Serah breathed as she got to her feet, nearly stumbling in the process. She looked visibly shaken. “No, you can’t be real!”

Lightning’s heart constricted in her chest. “Serah…”

“No!” Serah yelled, quickly becoming distraught as she cross the distance between them. “No, you can’t be dead!” Her fists hit Lightning square in the chest, her entire weight following shortly afterwards as Serah’s forehead fell into her shoulder. “What have you done? _What have you done?_ ”

She was crying, and Lightning’s fingers weaved in her sister’s hair as she held the girl protectively against her chest. She hadn’t… she didn’t realize that her appearance would be received in this way, but that was foolish, wasn’t it? Of course Serah wouldn’t be happy to see her, for that meant her life was over. And even worse than that, it wasn’t as though Lightning was cut down in a battle; she had _chosen_ this and now, after witnessing Serah’s reaction to it, Lightning wasn’t sure if her sister would be able to understand why.

“I’m sorry,” Lightning breathed into her hair, unable to find any other words but that. Her eyes fell closed as she pressed a firm kiss to the top of Serah’s head, making the girl in her arms nearly choke on the force of her own tears.

“How…?” Serah asked, her voice muffled against her sister’s shoulder. “Light, how did you get here…? You were supposed to be… This isn’t—this isn’t right…”

“I was supposed to be what, Serah?” Lightning asked softly, not wanting to divulge her choice in coming to this place right at this moment. She feared how it would be received.

“The Savior,” Serah told her, repeating Yeul’s earlier words as she looked up at her sister, tears staining her cheeks. “I saw… the world, as it will soon be, coming to an end; and you…” But she trailed off, not able to finish her sentence as all the hope drained from her eyes. “This, all of this, it was supposed to be _worth_ something…”

“It was,” Lightning tried to assure her, cupping her sister’s cheek in her hand as she looked down at her. “It _is._ Serah, just seeing you again is worth any price in this life or any other…”

Emotion flickered behind the girl’s eyes for a moment, her breath catching in her throat at the intensity of Lightning’s words, before she allowed reality to become important once more and she stepped away from her sister’s touch. “For us maybe, but what about our _friends?_ ” Serah countered. “Our loved ones, or anyone else in the world? Claire, it’s not their price to pay, and yet they’re all suffering!”

Lightning didn’t know what to say to that, the guilt she already felt quadrupling at her sister’s words. But Serah didn’t seem to realize that she was placing blame where it really should lie, because she shook her head and collapsed onto her haunches, fingers threading into her hair as she shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, sounding regretful about how she reacted. “I know it’s not your fault. I was just so sure that… it was supposed to be real, it was supposed to _happen,_ because that—”

“Was the vision that killed you,” Lightning finished for her softly, despair carving a hole in her heart at yet another time she ended up bringing suffering to her sister, albeit indirectly. But that was why it was so important to Serah that it become real, that it happens; because if not, she died in vain. She died for a vision of a world that would never exist.

Serah didn’t confirm her theory, yet her eyes, filled with so much sadness, spoke the answer all the same. She took a few moments to collect herself, and Lightning crossed the space between them and sat on her haunches before her. As she took her sister’s hand in hers, Serah looked up at her and asked softly, “How… did you die?”

_From a broken heart._

But Lightning couldn’t tell her. She couldn’t tell her that she chose this in order to keep Serah’s memory alive; in order to receive due penance for her transgressions. And so, all she said was, “It doesn’t matter.” Her fingers squeezing Serah’s hand gently, she finished, “All that matters is that I’m here now, and I’m never leaving you again.”

Serah looked like she was going to argue that, but then thought better of it. Perhaps in the end, she didn’t want to know what cut her sister down. Her gaze fell instead to their clasped hands, her chest filling with a shuddered inhale of breath before she admitted in a soft voice, “I’ve… missed you, Lightning. So much.”

“So I saw,” Lightning responded without thought, but that only managed to make a fierce blush cover her sister’s cheeks as Serah pulled away from her and stood.

“No, that—it… it wasn’t what it looked like; it’s just that sometimes I need—”

Lightning rose to her feet and took a step towards her suddenly, cutting Serah off so she didn’t feel anymore embarrassment. “I missed you too.” Serah bit her bottom lip as she smiled, dipping her head down a little, her bangs falling over her eyes. Lightning wished she could reach forward and brush them away, but as she second guessed most everything when it came to her younger sister due to her own unorthodox feelings, she did not move. 

“And I… meant nothing bad by it,” Lightning continued, albeit a little awkwardly. “You know that if you ever need comfort, Serah, I’ll be there for you; no matter what form you want it to come in.”

Serah looked taken aback by that statement, despite it not being so out of the ordinary. Still, perhaps her voice had given away too much, and the girl searched Lightning’s eyes for a long moment, trying to find the answer she was seeking. Her gaze was both piercing and intense, and Lightning had to tear her own away to no longer feel like she was being dissected. Silence passed between the two women for a moment, before Serah seemed to summon up something inside of her – perhaps her courage – before speaking once more.

“Did I ever… Have I ever told you that you were beautiful, Light?”

Lightning felt the air push out of her lungs, instantly being reminded of all the things she was certain she had misread when Serah’s image had flickered before her in the ruins. “You…”

“I should have,” Serah told her, voice wavering a little under the weight of her own nerves. “I meant to, so many times, but it always seemed… wrong, you know? To tell you how beautiful I think you are, even though I know you don’t see it yourself. I just— I always found that to be… sad; that you can’t see yourself the way I do.”

“I don’t hate you for it,” Lightning breathed without thought, answering the one question Serah had spoken when she thought her sister wasn’t real; and yet still, Lightning didn’t know exactly what the girl meant by all of this. She still felt like she was twisting circumstance in her mind. “I could never.” 

Serah’s eyes widened in recognition and she took a step back in surprise, her hand clutching the base of her shirt. “It _was_ you…” But then she seemed to remember _more_ of that, and her ears turned a bit pink as she squeaked an, “Oh!” before putting her hand over her mouth.

Lightning felt her face heat up. “Please don’t picture it,” she begged, not really liking that her sister was most likely seeing her naked inside of her own head. Still, she was against it for all the wrong reasons; mostly because a part of her hoped that Serah found her body pleasing to look at.

Which was… not at all what she should be focusing on right now.

“I’m sorry, I just…” Serah tried, her hand falling from her lips before her brow creased. “Why were you _naked?_ ”

Lightning avoided eye contact as she answered. “It was… some sort of self-inflicted punishment.” She waved it off as she paced, just wanting the subject dropped. It embarrassed her. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Light…” Serah responded softly, her voice tinged with despair once more as she crossed the distance between them, clasping their hands together in a sign of comfort and support. “Why do you always have to blame yourself for things beyond your control?”

“Because they’re not.”

Keeping her sister safe should not have been beyond her control, and yet Serah’s death had happened anyway due to Lightning’s own selfishness of getting her involved. She had trusted her though, trusted her more than anyone, and that was why she had chosen to call out to her for help. In the end though, what had that accomplished? The world still fell apart, and Serah lost her life because of it.

Serah didn’t say anything in response, merely pursed her lips in sympathy as she looked up at her sister. She knew arguing the point would be useless, as there was no changing Lightning’s mind as to where the fault truly lay, and so instead she just tightened the grip on her hands to show that she was there for her.

Lightning released a breath and looked away from her, trying to change the topic back to something that either made more sense or wasn’t entirely depressing. “How did you… bend the atmosphere here?” she asked, eyes searching the blackness. “You were in a house before…”

“You can create anything here,” Serah told her. “Just by wanting it badly enough. This place… apparently it’s not meant for people like us, so we’ve been given certain… _allowances,_ I guess. Watch.”

Serah closed her eyes then, and Lightning watched the blackness around her shimmer into the form of the same house, the same _bedroom_ Serah had been in before. Finally, it hit Lightning where they were. “The NORA house…” she realized, having come to the conclusion a little too late due to never personally being there herself. 

“How did you know?” Serah asked as she opened her eyes, looking surprised. Lightning’s lips quirked into the tiniest of smiles.

“I watched you,” she told her softly, her eyes roaming the expanse of the bedroom. “From Valhalla, for what seemed like centuries…” 

Serah met her sister’s smile with a shy one of her own. “This is… it’s where I would have wanted us all to go, after it was all over. So many of my friends were here, but with you and Snow… it would have been perfect.”

_Snow._

Lightning’s smile dropped from her face and she stepped back from her sister, untangling their hands. Serah’s brow creased at Lightning’s sudden shift in demeanor, but all the woman said was a soft, “I’m… sorry; for taking you away from him.”

Serah looked confused. “You didn’t.”

“I did,” Lightning countered as she crossed the room to sit on the bed. It felt so real; and so it was strange, knowing that it wasn’t. “My disappearance led to your separation while he looked for me and then ultimately your death. You’re not with the man you love anymore because of me, and I’m… I’m _sorry,_ Serah.”

Lightning didn’t often express apologies for her actions, yet when she did, they were only ever for her. In the end, Serah was the only one worthy them.

Serah was silent for a moment, a distressed look crossing over her face until she tried to lighten the mood, and chuckled a little under her breath before she sat next to her sister on the bed. “You know, I never thought I’d live to see the day when you’d actually be _sorry_ that Snow isn’t in my life.”

“Technically, you didn’t.”

It was such a stupid, thoughtless thing to say, and all it did was make Lightning feel worse, and cause Serah to lose her feigned smile. “Yeah,” she agreed softly, looking down at her lap. “Still,” Serah tried again after a moment, looking back up at her. “It’s not like you were his biggest fan or anything.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lightning told her honestly, because despite the jealousy she felt, in the end, the only thing that mattered was… “I just wanted you to be happy. He made you happy, I guess. There’s nothing more I could have asked for.”

Serah pressed her shoulder gently into her sister’s as she placed her hand on Lightning’s thigh. She looked up at her, expression screaming to be understood; for Lightning to realize that she mattered. “He’s not the only one that made me happy, Claire.”

Lightning scoffed as she looked out the window, trying to ignore the way her heart thumped louder inside her chest. “Stop calling me that.”

“I’ll call you what I like,” Serah told her firmly, pressing a finger underneath Lightning’s chin and making the woman turn back towards her. “You’re _my_ sister, and for fifteen years I called you by that name; that doesn’t just go away.”

Lightning grasped her sister’s wrist to pull her hand away from her. “That’s not who I am anymore.”

“You’re not _anyone_ anymore,” Serah told her, the words probably sounding harsher than she meant them. Still, they were true. “So why does it matter what I call you?”

Lightning sighed. “I just… don’t like it. It reminds me of…” She paused a moment, searching for the right word. “It reminds me of weakness.”

It was the closest thing to encompass what she felt, but it seemed Serah disagreed. “Well it reminds me of happiness.” Lightning shot her a disbelieving look at that, but her sister countered it with one of her own. “What, you don’t think our memories together as a _family_ were happy ones?”

Lightning looked exasperated. “You know that’s not what I—”

“I don’t care,” Serah told her firmly, making her sister’s brow rise. “You focus too much on the bad parts, Light; that’s why you’re always unhappy. But can’t you see life is made up of more than just terrible things? We used to be happy, you know? All of us, together. We used to play in the park and make pillow forts and _laugh,_ Lightning. And that’s why I love ‘Claire’; she had fun and she smiled and we used to do so many things together that I just… I _miss._ Can’t you understand that?”

“I had to take care of you, Serah,” Lightning told her, feeling a little defensive. “After Mom died, _I_ had to become the adult. I couldn’t—there wasn’t time for _games_ anymore…”

“I know,” Serah assured her softly, trying to make sure her sister didn’t think she was attacking her for it. She squeezed Lightning’s knee. “Believe me, I’m… I am _so_ grateful that you did that, so I’m not complaining. But even still, even with understanding why you had to change, it doesn’t make me miss the past any less. I’ll always be nostalgic for hide and seek and late night talks; that’s just the way it is.”

Lightning felt herself deflate. “So what you’re saying is that I… I only made you happy back then.”

“ _No,_ ” Serah told her firmly, looking at her sister like she couldn’t believe she thought that. “No, of course you’ve made me happy since. It’s just… different now. We grew up, both of us.”

“Still,” Lightning sighed, feeling guilty all over again. “My point… before, anyway, was that I don’t make you happy in the same way he did; and so I’m sorry I took him away from you, even though I still think he’s a jackass.”

Serah cracked a smirk at that. But then she got serious again and looked up, catching her sister’s gaze. “No,” she agreed softly, gently brushing the hair out of Lightning’s eyes. “No, it’s really not in the same way at all…”

Lightning felt her throat go dry by the way Serah was looking at her. Her eyes were searching hers, maybe for an answer to a question she couldn’t find it within her to voice. Still, silence passed between the two women as they allowed this moment to continue. It felt… intimate, and while that scared Lightning quite terribly, she found herself unable to run from it. It had been so long since she felt a sense of closeness with her sister, having always pushed her away in fear that she would do something stupid. But in the end, it seemed it was Serah who was in danger of doing that, as her fingers gently trailed over Lightning’s jawline.

She was too close.

Lightning hadn’t realized that Serah had moved, the space being eradicated between them too slowly for her to pinpoint when it started before it was already too late. Her breath caught in her throat as Serah brushed her lips against her cheek, and Lightning allowed her eyes to fall closed at the feeling. She told herself that it was okay, that there was nothing out of the ordinary about sister’s kissing one another on the cheek. But then Serah didn’t move back, instead bringing her lips to dust over her jawline.

Lightning felt like she couldn’t breathe.

This had to be a dream, right? It was like something she used to imagine when she was younger, before she realized how terrible it was to want these things. Maybe it was this place; maybe somehow Serah had become corrupted by her own emotions, maybe… maybe—

Lips just faintly touched the corner of her mouth then, and Lightning didn’t know how to stop herself when she finally allowed herself to turn her head just slightly, enough for her lips to brush delicately over her sister’s. That seemed to be enough for Serah, who took it upon herself to press her mouth a little firmer against Lightning’s, coaxing the woman’s lips apart in a small gasp as she finally realized what the hell they were doing. And yet instead, Serah took that as an opening as she kissed her deeper, parting her own lips as she pressed her hand fully against Lightning’s cheek, willing her to stay there.

But Lightning couldn’t stay there.

She jerked back in surprise, her face etching with confusion and doubt despite how clear Serah had been about her intentions. Her sister suddenly looked mortified, which quickly turned into upset as she interpreted Lightning’s actions as rejection. “I’m— I’m sorry,” she stammered, but that was about as far as she got before her sister interrupted her.

“Okay, that was very much _the same way,_ Serah…!” Which in the end, wasn’t what she wanted to say at all, but all of her questions kind of overlapped one another and made them hard to distinguish, leaving Lightning with nothing but _that_ to say to the sister who just kissed her.

“It’s not!” Serah tried to assure her, looking a little frantic as her eyes begged for Lightning to understand. “It’s just… sometimes I feel— I don’t know, _closer_ to you, more than anyone else, and I thought—I’m sorry, I thought you wanted me to. I’m really sorry.”

_I did._

But those words stuck in Lightning’s throat as she stared at her sister, unable to really comprehend that that had just actually happened. “You’re—you’re confused,” she stumbled, trying to rationalize this the only way she could think of at the moment. But that just seemed to make Serah indignant.

“ _What?_ ”

“It’s a projection, that’s all—”

“A _projection?_ ” Serah repeated disbelievingly as she stood from the bed, before it actually clicked in her head what Lightning had said without forethought as to what she was admitting to. As Serah whipped around to face her, her jaw went slack. “Oh…”

Lightning had realized at about the same time Serah did what she had said, and mortification crept up her spine as she looked away from her. “It isn’t real,” she insisted, trying to fight the urge to run. But what would be the point, anyhow? Even if she hadn’t admitted to it, Serah felt her react to the kiss. “You don’t know what you’re—”

“I’m not a child, Lightning!” Serah interrupted firmly, irritated that she would use such a cop out. “I’m twenty one years old; I’m physically the same age as _you_ now, or haven’t you noticed?”

Of course she noticed. Lightning did nothing _but_ notice her sister.

“Physically, maybe, but mentally—”

“I’m still younger than you, I know that,” Serah responded, taking a step closer to her. “I’ll always be your little sister, Claire, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m an adult now, and perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”

“Then why the hell would you choose this?” Lightning snapped, afraid of how she was feeling and so instead chose to focus on anger instead; it was just easier. In the end though, it wasn’t Serah she was mad at; it was herself.

But Lightning’s response, instead of feeling like a rejection, only seemed to infuriate Serah more because she knew the truth beneath it all. “Maybe because I’ve thought about nearly every day since I was thirteen!” she practically shouted, trying to get it through Lightning’s head that this wasn’t something she was suddenly projecting on her.

Lightning released a heavy breath at that statement, feeling the intensity of it wash over her. 

_…Oh._

Serah was breathing a bit heavily after her outburst, and yet she took a moment’s silence in order to try to calm herself down. Her brow knitted as she looked at her sister, taking a few steps towards her to cross the last remaining distance between them. “This isn’t… it isn’t something I just felt right now, Light. This isn’t some spur of the moment need to feel closer to you. I’ve always—it’s always been that way. It’s always been… different between us, hasn’t it?”

Maybe, but it shouldn’t have been, and that was the point.

“Serah…” Lightning tried, gently coaxing away the hand that had grazed the side of her face. But Serah just exhaled a frustrated breath and clasped her wrist, before practically climbing on top of her and straddling her waist. Lightning froze, her stomach suddenly twisting tightly in her gut as she forgot how to breathe.

“Stop it,” Serah begged softly, keeping her fingers firmly clasped around Lightning’s wrist as she looked down at her. “Stop trying to make me feel like a freak, it’s not fair. I know that you—I know it’s not just me, so I don’t understand why you’re acting like this.”

Lightning opened her mouth to speak, but Serah wouldn’t let her.

“Do you think you’re corrupting me or something? Is _that_ it?” she questioned, her voice firm yet soft as her face came just mere inches from Lightning’s. Serah tilted her head to the side before pointing out, “Because we’re dead, Lightning. I don’t think it matters anymore what this does to my soul, because it’s already in the place where it’ll spend its eternity.”

That was true, and yet still, Lightning couldn’t shake the feeling that she had. It twisted her insides and made her heart compress in her chest. She broke their gaze, letting her eyes fall to the space between them. “That doesn’t change that fact that despite that, I still feel like… like I’m doing _wrong_ by you, Serah. And I don’t want to feel that way; not anymore.”

“Lightning,” Serah breathed softly, placing her fingertips beneath her sister’s jawline to coax her head back up to meet her gaze. “Do you love me?”

“Don’t be stupid; of course I do, but—”

Serah pitched forward, gently placing her forehead against her sister’s and halting her words as Lightning was forced to swallow her rebuttal. Running her fingers through her hair, and then down to her neck, Serah questioned softly, “Then how could you ever do me wrong by showing me that?”

Lightning didn’t have an answer for her. Mostly because she couldn’t think clearly when Serah was touching her like that. Her fingertips were trailing over the hollow of her throat, then up to trace her jawline. Lightning felt her breath catch in her throat, and so her voice was barely audible when she said, “I just don’t want you to regret it…”

“The only thing I regret,” Serah responded softly, her thumb lightly dusking over her sister’s bottom lip, “was not telling you how I felt sooner…”

Delicate fingers dropped from Lightning’s mouth then, only to cover it with a pair of soft lips as Serah leaned in and kissed her. Lightning’s eyes fell closed instinctively, all of the fight she had in her dissipating into nothing in the wake of a fantasy come true. Maybe it was stupid, but maybe it didn’t matter; not now, not where they were. Here, there was nothing but them, and perhaps it would be that way for the rest of eternity. It was a thought that Lightning had a hard time pretending she didn’t want, for everything that she had done in life, everything she had fought for, was so that she could be by her sister’s side once more. And maybe this wasn’t exactly how she imagined it, but it certainly wasn’t anything to complain about either. 

At Lightning’s tentative yet accepting response to the kiss, Serah pressed her lips firmer against her sister’s, fingers beginning to tangle in a mess of rose colored hair at the base of Lightning’s skull. The older woman released a small sound from the back of her throat at the possessive gesture, and as she parted her lips to allow Serah more access, her own hands grasped for her sister’s hips to pull her firmer against her body. 

Serah exhaled something that was halfway between a small gasp and a moan as their tongues met for the first time, and just the sound of it made a fierce heat ignite in the pit of Lightning’s stomach as she pressed her palm to Serah’s cheek and deepened the kiss. Her sister’s hands were suddenly everywhere, touching everything she could reach before she pulled at her breastplate in frustration. Breaking the kiss for a moment, Serah panted lightly against her lips, “You know, I _really_ wish you weren’t wearing armor right now…”

Lightning closed her eyes then, trying to remember what Yeul had taught her. Her brain was fuzzy though, her attention too wrapped up in the girl on her lap that it caused her to take a little longer than it probably should have. Regardless, in the end she still managed, and she was suddenly sitting there in her Guardian Corps uniform instead. “Better?” she asked breathlessly, and Serah’s eyes grew black with lust as she pulled on her belt and brought her lips to Lightning’s neck.

“I’ve always liked this on you,” she told her, voice sounding almost hoarse with desire before she began to nip and suck on the other woman’s neck. Lightning’s breath caught in her throat as her heart hammered within her chest, her grip tightening on her sister’s waist.

“You have…?”

“Mmm,” Serah murmured, the sound vibrating Lightning’s skin and causing a shiver to roll down her spine. Her sister then placed her lips to her ear and whispered, “Women with authority are always _much_ , much sexier…”

“Women?” Lightning repeated, her voice catching in her throat as Serah tugged on her earlobe with her teeth. Her voice was light, almost teasing, and yet a part of her still felt irrational worry over it. “So not just me then?”

But Serah just shook her head, placing her hand on Lightning’s cheek as she told her, “Always you.” She kissed her then, just briefly, before she finished breathlessly, the words tickling the other woman’s lips, “Only ever you…”

Serah had always been good with words. Much, much better than Lightning ever was. 

Apparently, that wasn’t all that she was better at though. Lightning may be oldest of the Farron sisters, but she had far less experience when it came to… well, _intimacy._ It hadn’t ever really been something that was of interest to her, as she spent so much of her life wishing to only share something like this with Serah. That wasn’t to say she was completely inexperienced, but Serah seemed much bolder due to her own frequent practices, which Lightning tried like hell to not think about because for her, Snow Villiers was one of the biggest mood killers to ever exist.

But Serah’s teeth scraped the hollow of her throat just before she lightly bit down, and suddenly all thought of anything other than the girl on top of her was thrown out the window.

Lightning sucked in a sharp breath at the feeling, her fingers tightening on her sister’s white blouse as her head lolled to the side, gently tapping the girl’s cheek with her nose to encourage her to come back for a kiss. Serah complied, her fingertips trailing over the contour of Lightning’s cheek before they fell, covering the older woman’s breast before giving it a light squeeze. The small sound Lightning made was muffled by her sister’s lips, but Serah smiled deviously into the kiss before nipping gently on her bottom lip, her hand continuing to play a dangerous game that Lightning knew she shouldn’t want, yet craved all the same.

But Serah didn’t push any major boundaries; at least, not yet. Apparently, that wasn’t in the cards until she succeeded in driving Lightning completely and utterly insane. And Lightning knew what she was doing; Serah had always been able to read her unnervingly well, and despite having the green light from her sister, there was still a part of her that was hesitant. Lightning was way too analytical for her own good at times, a quality brought about by her military background no doubt, that she often found difficulties in letting herself go. She was always _thinking…_ which apparently was where Serah and her inherent distractibility came in.

Her breathing began to come out uneven against Lightning’s lips after she had shifted just slightly, allowing her skirt to hike up around her hips as she placed her weight against one of her sister’s thighs. Serah was just barely rocking against her, and yet the pressure seemed to be enough to elicit a response as a tiny whimper got stuck in the back of her throat. Lightning could feel the heat coming from between her sister’s thighs, could feel the dampness of her panties against her bare skin, and suddenly it felt like her head was swimming. Everything else around her blurred to nothing, the façade Serah had brought to them becoming meaningless save the bed they were in, and Lightning released a sound that came off as almost predatory as she kissed Serah with renewed fervor. 

Serah moaned unashamedly into her mouth at the sudden shift in demeanor, and took the opportunity that Lightning’s haze of lust had provided her to grab her sister’s hand and place it behind her, allowing the appendage to get lost beneath her skirt. As Lightning’s nails raked over the curvature of her sister’s ass, Serah pressed her body fully against hers, almost lifting herself up on her knees as her fingers tangled in rosy tresses. 

Lightning couldn’t think; she could barely even breathe. In all honesty, she wouldn’t have been surprised if the only oxygen she was getting was coming from Serah’s uneven breaths between heated kisses, even though the logical part of her brain reprimanded her for ever thinking something so moronic. Yet it was barely a whisper in wake of the current situation, making it easy for Lightning to ignore that and everything else that didn’t have to do with the way Serah was hastily unhooking the clasps on her Guardian Corps uniform, desperate to get to the skin underneath.

The two sisters parted with a quiet gasp as Serah hastily opened the newly freed jacket, her fingers falling to the hem of Lightning’s turtleneck before hiking it up and over her sister’s breasts. Warning bells shot off in the rational part of Lightning’s brain as soon as she realized this was quickly turning from a fantasy to a reality, but Serah quickly captured her lips in another searing kiss as she gently pulled on one of her sister’s taut nipples, eliciting a sharp gasp while a warmth suddenly flooded the base of Lightning’s abdomen. 

Still, she was starting to feel guilty again, a part of her still convinced that somehow she was taking advantage of Serah, and she broke the kiss to rest her forehead against the other woman’s. She was breathing heavily, her fingers splayed out against her sister’s thigh; dangerously close to the destination that she ached to touch. As she tried to control herself however, Lightning found herself whispering regrettably, “Serah…”

“No,” Serah breathed, her palm cupping her sister’s cheek. “Don’t. Don’t do this, please.”

“This isn’t fair to you—”

“Why? Because it’ll keep me from leading a normal life?” Serah responded pointedly through labored breaths, raising an eyebrow. And alright, she did have a point; that wasn’t exactly a factor anymore. “Light, don’t you get it?” she asked softly, brow creasing as she brushed the hair from Lightning’s eyes. “All that remains of our lives now are each other; everything else has faded away. And if we’re going to be together for all of eternity, why _shouldn’t_ we spend it in the way we want to? What’s stopping us? Who’s _judging_ us?” 

Lightning didn’t have an answer for her. The fal'Cie that had dominion over this realm perhaps? But even that sounded stupid, because out of all the souls that he had been tasked to look over, why would he look twice at them? They weren’t even supposed to be here; it was like he threw accommodations their way to make it more bearable, and then went on his way. He probably had far more important things to deal with than the sinful little dalliances happening beneath his roof between Etro’s chosen children.

So Lightning didn’t speak at all. She just reached up to gently tuck a strand of hair behind Serah’s ear, her lips pursed into a thin line as her brow creased with emotion. Silence washed between the two women for a moment before Lightning quietly admitted, “You’re just too precious to me to be yet another thing I’ve screwed up.”

“Claire…” Serah breathed sympathetically, taking her sister’s hand in hers before lightly kissing her palm. “You haven’t done anything wrong; least of all when it comes to me. You _saved_ me, more times than I can even count—”

“I got you _killed,_ Serah.”

“I knew what would happen,” Serah reminded her strongly, the grip on her sister’s hand tightening. “I made my choice; that isn’t and will never be on your conscience, so please stop trying to bear a burden that isn’t even yours. Just…” She placed another gentle kiss on Lightning’s palm. “Please,” Serah breathed against her skin before allowing her sister’s hand to drop and her own to cup Lightning’s cheek once more, dusking her lips across a strong jawline. “Please just stay with me,” she begged softly, the words tickling Lightning’s skin and causing a tiny shiver to roll up her spine. “I’ve wanted you to have all of me for so long, because you’re the only one I ever really belonged to. You’re a part of me, Light; you’re my blood, you’re my everything…”

Serah almost had her, had almost broken her, but those last words pierced the guardian’s heart with the force of the harsh lie hidden beneath, and Lightning had to pull away. “Don’t say things like that,” she shot at her, trying to hide how wounded she felt by the false implication. “Don’t insult my intelligence by spewing pretty words in my direction; I’m not that much of an idiot.”

“What?” Serah asked, sounding confused and suddenly looking a little wounded herself by Lightning’s tone. But then it seemed to hit her, and realization flooded her face, followed quickly by guilt as she tried, “No, Light, that’s—Snow was, he was _different—_ ”

“You were going to _marry_ him, Serah,” Lightning reminded her, wishing that she didn’t sound as terribly jealous as she did, but unable to hide it from her tone. “He was important to you.”

“Of course he was, I’m not denying that,” Serah responded, grasping onto her sister’s hand to implore her attentions. “I’m never going to tell you that I didn’t love Snow, because that would be a lie. But it _was_ different, Claire. He might be in my heart, but you’re… you’re _everywhere,_ can’t you understand that? Everything that I am is connected to you, because the blood that runs through our veins is the same. Because of that, we’ll always share a part of each other that nobody can ever touch, that nobody can even _compare_ to.”

“Then why did you have to try?”

The words were out before she could stop them, and Lightning instantly hated how pathetic they made her sound. They were nothing but broken syllables tainted by the weight of her own crippling jealousy, and Serah’s face crumpled at the sadness seeded between each and every one of them. But Lightning just shook her head, muttering, “Just forget it,” despite a part of her still screaming inside for an answer.

She loved Serah too much to ever fathom _looking_ at another person for more than a passing moment, and it made her feel like her sister must not love her as much as she did. Lightning knew that was probably irrational, not to mention extremely childish, yet despite how much she tried to fight the feeling, she couldn’t ignore it. It burned a hole inside of her.

“Because I couldn’t live my entire life pining for something that would never be given to me.”

Lightning’s head shot up at that. “I would have—!”

“Would you?” Serah countered, cutting her off. “Lightning, you can barely even give me what I want _here,_ where nothing even _exists_ outside of the two of us. If I had had enough courage and tried before, you would have shot me down so I could have a ‘normal’ life free from your ‘corruption’, and I would have ended up with a broken heart. So yes, I tried… I _had_ to find someone else to make me happy; someone else to share my life with. I didn’t want to be alone. That—it scares me, Light; being alone. I don’t know why, but it… it just does.”

Lightning exhaled a breath and shook her head. “I just… I don’t understand how—we’re both so _different,_ Serah; how could you be in love with both of us?”

Serah smirked lightly. “You know, you’re really not as different as you’d like to think.” Lightning scoffed at that, and Serah continued, “I’m serious. You’re both fiercely loyal, attentive, _protective…_ ”

Lightning rolled her eyes, inwardly scowling at being compared to Snow. “Maybe, but at least I do it all with better hair.”

“Hey, I like his hair!”

“You’re damaged.”

“Shut up,” Serah responded, lightly shoving her sister’s shoulder. Although she tried to look offended, she still seemed a little amused by it as she tried to hide her smirk. She quickly got serious though, her fingers tangling in Lightning’s as she implored her full attention once more. “I love you, Claire; in more ways than I love anyone else, including Snow. He encompasses one kind of love, but you encompass them all. So in the end, what’s the point of comparing yourself to him? You’re on an entirely different level. I just…” She sighed softly. “I just wish you could _see_ that…”

For jealousy’s sake, Lightning wished that she couldn’t. She wanted to continue hating Snow and being bitter about the whole ordeal, but in the end, she also knew what Serah was saying was true. Even should they become lovers, they would always be far more to each other than that; they really were a part of each other, and because of that they would always be bound by far more than just love or sex.

Lightning exhaled a small sigh, placing her forehead on her sister’s. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, hand gently trailing over Serah’s thigh. “I probably ruined it.”

Serah bit her bottom lip, her eyes falling to the other woman’s chest before she reached out to trail the pads of her fingers over the swell of her right breast. Goosebumps followed in her wake and Lightning’s nipple hardened of its own accord just before Serah dusked her palm across its tip. “It’s kind of hard to ruin it when you’re still topless,” she admitted, a shy smile peeking out between her trapped lip. 

Serah looked up at her then, moving just slightly backwards on her lap as she began to undo the buttons that bound her shirt together. Lightning felt her breath get caught in her lungs as Serah pulled the fabric apart and shrugged it down her shoulders, freeing her breasts to her sister’s gaze. “Better?” she asked softly. She didn’t get an answer however.

Lightning’s lips immediately found her collarbone, trailing down creamy skin until they covered the swell of her breast. Serah’s eyes fell closed as a small sound of contentment escaped the back of her throat, fingers tangling in her sister’s hair as she held her to her bosom. As Lightning gave into her own forbidden desires and teased her tongue against a hardened nub, Serah’s thighs squeezed around her own, pressing her damp panties against Lightning’s bare skin. A moan followed; the sound soft and yet strong enough to cause a fire to ignite in the pit of the guardian’s stomach.

Their mouths found one another once more, and as they kissed hungrily, Lightning tried not to think about the plethora of doubts and fears that still plagued the back of her mind. They had always hindered her enjoyment of life, and right then she resolved for them to not hinder her in death as well. She so rarely had the freedom to indulge in her own desires, always doing or fighting on behalf of someone else’s needs, that maybe now it was finally her turn to take what she wanted. Maybe _this_ was her freedom, finally.

As Serah gently tugged on Lightning’s bottom lip with her teeth, her hand found her sister’s breasts once more, palming them with renewed fervor as the older woman’s fingers teased the inside of her thighs. Serah exhaled a sharp breath after she had shifted on her lap, forcing Lightning’s fingers to where she wanted them to go as they dusked the damp material of her panties. Lightning stifled her groan of approval against Serah’s lips, yet her heart began to pound heavier beneath her ribcage as the reality of this situation flooded to the forefront of her mind. Because of that she moved slowly, just lightly teasing Serah through the fabric of her underwear as her younger sister shivered with need above her.

Serah’s palm found her cheek, her thumb dragging gently over Lightning’s bottom lip before she husked, “Please,” the sound of her voice becoming broken with need. Lightning watched her sister’s lips part in pleasure, her eyes falling closed once Lightning’s fingers slipped beneath the fabric, finding herself confronted with an uncontrollable sensation of wetness between Serah’s thighs. 

Lightning found herself completely enraptured by the myriad of emotions that fell across Serah’s face as she gently stimulated the girl’s hardening nub. The younger Farron had started breathing a lot heavier, her small breasts heaving with each inhale as her fingernails dug into Lightning’s arm, hips pressing against the hand that was giving her pleasure. The movement caused Lightning’s fingers to slip downwards through her slickened heat, and they quickly became enveloped by soft flesh as she slid inside of her. Serah moaned softly, her inner walls squeezing her sister’s fingers, inviting her in deeper.

Their lips met then, their uneven breathing tickling each other’s sensitive flesh as Serah wrapped her arms around her sister’s neck, using the leverage to meet her thrust for thrust. Her breath hitched in her throat and she moaned Lightning’s name, a sound that sounded torn between a plea and praise. Lightning corkscrewed her fingers inside her sister as a response, and Serah cried out against her lips as she tugged roughly on rose colored hair, pressing their breasts together before slipping her tongue into her mouth. 

Lightning devoured her offering in earnest, swallowing her sister’s moans as beckoned with a ‘come hither’ motion inside of her, rubbing up against the sensitive spot inside of Serah that caused the younger woman’s muscles to tighten around her fingers. In all honesty, Lightning barely knew what she was doing; she wasn’t exactly well-versed in the area of sexuality, but at least she had spent enough time with her own right hand to understand how a woman’s body worked. 

And, by what she was witnessing at least, that seemed to be more than enough for Serah.

“Claire…!” she gasped against her lips, her hand fisting in her sister’s hair as she rode her fingers, the movement causing her breasts to bounce after each firm thrust inside of her. And Lightning had to admit, that despite her hatred for her true name, it didn’t sound so terrible when coupled with a sound of absolute and intense _pleasure_ falling from the back of Serah’s throat. Lightning groaned in response, nipping at Serah’s bottom lip before she slipped her thumb over her clit, putting just enough pressure on it to cause her sister’s head to spin.

Serah cried out as she came, her eyes falling shut as every muscle in her body tightened and her hairs stood on end. She practically crumpled against her then, chest heaving as she struggled for breath, her fingers tightening her sister’s form as she tried to ground herself after the feeling. Lightning held her to her chest, hand weaving through her sister’s locks as she felt Serah’s breaths puff out unevenly against the skin of her neck. Small tremors were still washing through the girl’s body, and it took everything inside of Lightning to not smirk in self-satisfaction at what she had done.

“Mmm,” Serah hummed against her neck, clearly pleased with what she had been given. “Wow…”

“Yeah?” Lightning questioned softly, a small smile spreading across her face at her sister’s assessment. Serah looked up at her, mirroring her expression before placing her palm against Lightning’s cheek and kissing her softly.

“ _Very_ much worth the wait,” she breathed against her lips, before her hands met Lightning’s shoulders, gently guiding her back towards the bed. “Lie down…”

“Serah, you really don’t have to—” Lightning tried, not wanting Serah to feel like she needed to reciprocate just because she had given her an orgasm. 

But Serah interrupted her firmly with another, “ _Lie down,_ ” before pushing her a little harder, causing Lightning’s back to meet the duvet.

She was about to say something, but it ended up getting caught in the back of her throat as Serah’s lips covered the swell of her left breast, her tongue gently dragging over the expanse of soft skin until it found its home at the tip of one of her achingly hard nipples. Lightning’s breath hitched as Serah gently nipped and suckled, causing the fierce warmth between her thighs to feel akin to a raging fire. Nimble fingers made their way down Lightning’s body, finding their rest on her skirt as Serah pushed it up around her hips. And then suddenly she was sliding down the woman’s body, littering every piece of exposed flesh she could find with kisses before she landed next to the bed on her knees. 

Lightning hoisted herself up on her elbows to look down at her, but Serah just rose up and pressed her palm against her sister’s chest as she encouraged her back down. “No, just relax for a second,” she coaxed her softly. “I just… I want to try something.”

Serah’s gaze fell between her legs then, and Lightning felt herself grow wetter as she realized what it was that her sister was planning to do. Serah moistened her bottom lip with her tongue for a moment before hooking her fingers into Lightning’s underwear, pulling the other woman’s hips towards her until they were just barely resting on the edge of the bed. Lightning’s lip got trapped between her teeth and her eyes fell closed as she felt Serah begin to slide the flimsy piece of fabric from her body, completely exposing her to her sister’s hungry gaze. 

Serah gently nudged her legs apart and Lightning exhaled a hard breath before allowing them to fall open in invitation. Generally, Lightning wasn’t a nervous person. She could look Death in the eye and challenge him to take her, but there was something about this that left Lightning with a level of exposure that she had never truly felt before. Suddenly, she was bombarded with irrational worries like perhaps she didn’t look all that appealing from that angle, or that she would taste weird, or that her nerves would prevent her from coming for her sister. In the end though, all that dissipated into nothing from the first touch of Serah’s lips on the apex of her thighs.

Serah kissed her gently, almost tentatively as she began to familiarize herself with the most intimate part of her sister. Lightning exhaled a hard breath before bringing the back of her hand to her lips, biting down on the skin there to prevent herself from moaning at the feeling too early. Her sister’s fingers spread her wider then, tongue beginning to map out every inch of her with gentle precision, and Lightning felt her back involuntarily arch as she ached to get closer to the girl’s mouth. 

When Serah’s lips finally wrapped fully around her clit and she began to suckle, a shudder ran through Lightning’s body that made her toes curl and her hips lift off the bed. She exhaled a soft sound of pleasure as her head pitched to the side, being buried in the duvet as her fingers bunched the fabric in her fist. It sounded almost pathetic, the whimper that escaped her lips as Serah’s tongue practically vibrated against her. But Lightning didn’t care; she was so far past caring about anything else even _existing_ outside of Serah that all she could do was press her hips harder into her sister’s face as she silently begged for more.

Serah responded to her eagerness with a groan that seemed to pierce through Lightning’s skin and run like wildfire through her body. Then finger slipped inside of her; one, followed shortly by another, and Lightning gasped out, “Serah!” as she brought her hands above her head, pushing off the bed to arch her lower back towards her sister. It felt like her head was spinning, and her lips parted in pleasure as her sister continued to simultaneously tease her with both her fingers and her tongue. 

When Serah mimicked the corkscrewing motion Lightning had performed on her earlier, suddenly Lightning’s back hit the bed with a heavy thump before she pitched forward, tangling her fingers in Serah’s hair as everything inside of her began to tighten. Her breaths were coming out in short bursts, her grip on her sister getting steadily firmer as she felt herself getting close. “Fuck,” she ground out through clenched teeth, a bead of sweat falling from her temple as she realized that it was both pleasure and agony, hovering in this place. But Serah wouldn’t let her fall, not yet.

“Breathe,” Serah coaxed her, her soft words tickling Lightning’s reddened and slickened sex. She looked up at her then, and their eyes met while she removed her fingers from her and Lightning struggled to catch her breath. “I promise I’ll finish,” Serah continued softly, placing her hand on her sister’s stomach and guiding her back down against the duvet before slowly crawling up her body. “But you’re always so tense,” she breathed, dusking her lips over Lightning’s stomach, followed by her breasts. “You even look tense when you’re about to come. I want to get you to relax, at least once…”

“I’m fine,” Lightning tried to assure her, but Serah didn’t want to listen to her lies and instead cut off her words with a fierce kiss. She broke it almost immediately though, her body hovering over her sister’s as she looked down at her, watching Lightning’s breasts heave in her unrequited desire for release. Serah didn’t break eye contact as she finally settled in on the bed next to her, body snuggled into her sister’s side as her hand fell down Lightning’s body to get lost between her thighs once more.

Lightning groaned, her eyes falling closed as she grasped for the fabric of Serah’s skirt. “No,” her sister breathed, stilling her movements for a moment. “No, Light, I want you to—I need you to look at me.”

Lightning complied with her wishes, her eyelashes fluttering as she searched to meet her gaze. Serah’s eyes were almost black with lust, but there was something much deeper behind them; something that made Lightning’s breathing shallow and her heart thump harder beneath her ribcage. _Love._

As Serah began gently sliding her fingers over her sister’s engorged clitoris, her other hand gently traced the curvature of her jawline. Lightning sucked in a sharp breath at the feeling, finding herself unable to tear her gaze away from the girl in her bed; she had always completely enraptured her, for better or for worse, from the very moment she was born. Serah had been perfection in the tiniest of packages, and now that she was grown, Lightning still couldn’t find any other word to describe her. It was why she fought so hard for her, why she had always sacrificed everything for her; because perfection… perfection was worth it. _She_ had always been worth it.

“I love you,” Serah breathed, the words almost inaudible. But Lightning could read them loud and clear as they traced patterns against her lips. “I always have…”

Lightning reached up to touch her, dusking her thumb over Serah’s bottom lip as her gaze flickered from her mouth, back to her eyes. The pleasure between her thighs was slowly building again – much quicker than it had before – and her words came out broken and uneven as she struggled to speak. “I… I’ve always loved you more than my own life,” she admitted, knowing just how insane that sounded and yet finding truth in it all the same.

Serah smiled at that, but it was tinged with a sense of sadness because deep down she knew it was true. Maybe she even knew that that was why Lightning ended up here; not because she got cut down in battle, but because she would rather keep the memories of her sister alive in eternal crystal over living half a life without her. If Serah knew the truth though, she didn’t say anything. Instead she just kissed her softly, her fingers pressing against Lightning a little firmer, her movements becoming a little faster as her lips muffled the sounds of her sister’s pleasure.

Lightning arched her back and tangled her fingers in Serah’s hair, her legs falling open a little wider as the heat that was building in her abdomen began to flush her pale skin. She buried her face in her sister’s neck as it began to overwhelm her, small sounds escaping the back of her throat of their own accord. Lightning had never much been one for vocal praise during lovemaking, but there was something about Serah that made her unable to control herself. She wasn’t screaming, nor was she even loud, but there was still a constant whisper of indistinguishable syllables of praise that etched themselves across Serah’s skin.

Then Serah increased the speed of her fingers, and Lightning bit back a swear. The word made Serah chuckle softly, as Lightning rarely did _that_ either, and yet already it had been twice now. 

Serah pressed her lips to Lightning’s ear, her labored breathing shooting a bolt of pleasure down Lightning’s spine as she breathed against her skin, “I want to watch you come, Claire. I want to watch you come for me…”

And Maker, there was just something about _that;_ something about someone who had what Lightning – admittedly – knew was just an illusion of innocence, saying those things in a sultry tone in her ear, that caused the woman to just fall completely apart in her sister’s arms. She cried out as a wave of pleasure shocked her system, causing her to go completely ridged for a moment before everything within her released at once, coating her sister’s hand with sticky fluid. Serah grinned.

And then she slid her fingers inside of her.

“Ser—” Lightning tried, but couldn’t get the word out. Her sister had barely given her time to allow the last of her orgasm to wash over her before she began pounding into her with relentless vigor, spiking her senses through the roof as Lightning grasped onto her for dear life. She could barely breathe, she could barely even see; it was like everything had gone white. Lightning’s mouth opened in a permanent ‘oh’ as one of her hands slammed so hard against the headboard that it caused the wood to crack, and a guttural moan escaped the back of her throat just as she fell for a second time.

And then a third shortly after that.

Lightning’s entire body was glimmering with a light sheen of sweat, one of her arms thrown haphazardly over her eyes as she struggled to breathe. Serah was giggling quietly around the fingers she was cleaning off with her tongue, clearly pleased with what she had done. Lightning could barely hear her through; she felt so utterly disconnected with anything other than the small tremors that were still rippling through her body, causing her to whimper breathlessly.

Serah snuggled into her body then, resting her head on her sister’s chest. Lightning dropped her hand to land in Serah’s hair, the movement heavy and uncoordinated, and it made the girl atop her giggle once more. “You’re… obviously pleased with yourself,” Lightning struggled to get out, her breathing still uneven and her eyes remaining closed.

“Mmm…” Serah nuzzled into her neck, placing a light kiss on her skin as her arm wrapped around her sister’s torso. “Well it is a sight to see.”

“I wouldn’t know; I think you blinded me.”

Serah laughed, turning her face into her sister’s breasts to muffle the sound. Lightning chuckled lightly before finally allowing her eyes to open, blinking at the harshness of it as she waited for her vision to adjust. After she could see clearly, she turned her head to look down at her sister before placing a gentle kiss atop Serah’s forehead, her fingers weaving through rosy tresses. “Thank you.”

Serah smirked against her skin. “For the orgasms?”

“…For loving me.”

It was probably ridiculously sappy, but Lightning meant it. For a long time, it seemed like the only thing she had was the love she felt for her sister; it consumed her entire life, leaving little room for anything else. And for so long, Lightning feared that it wasn’t returned to her in the same degree as she herself felt it; that in the end she was doing nothing but misplacing her emotions. She knew Serah loved her, but she had her own life; her own friends, her own— _Snow._ It made Lightning feel replaceable, whereas she knew that for her, Serah never could or would be. But now… now it was different. Now it _felt_ different. No matter what else Serah had going on, Lightning wasn’t replaceable to her. She knew that now; her sister practically screamed it in her eyes as she made love to her.

Serah looked up at her, a myriad of emotions passing over her face before she cupped Lightning’s cheek and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. The two women looked at each other for a long moment before Serah asked quietly, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

Serah bit her bottom lip, her brow creasing slightly as she asked the one question Lightning didn’t want to answer. “Did you… choose to come here?”

Guilt washed through Lightning’s entire body and she had to look away from her. “No.” Which was the truth, as this wasn’t exactly what she was expecting. “I didn’t—I didn’t kill myself, Serah; if that’s what you’re asking.”

“It’s not.” Lightning looked back at her then, and Serah continued, “I know you would never—but… you avoided the question when I asked, telling me that it didn’t matter, and then how you said you loved me more than your own life…”

Lightning pursed her lips as she sucked in a deep breath through her nose. As she exhaled, it came out more like a sigh; she couldn’t keep lying to her. “I… chose to return to crystal stasis,” she admitted softly. “You told me to remember you and I—I felt it would be the best way to honor your memory; becoming an eternal epitaph, forever trapped in a dream. But that didn’t—with Etro gone, that wasn’t exactly what happened. I wasn’t expecting to truly die, not like this.”

Serah bit the inside of her cheek at that information, looking at her for a long time before she suddenly shifted, sitting up and getting out of her sister’s arms as she chose to stare at the far wall. Lightning’s face crumpled and as she sat up against the pillows, she reached out to touch Serah’s arm. “Please don’t be angry with me.”

“I’m not,” Serah responded, but her voice was flat. She sighed softly, brushing the hair out of her eyes. “I’m just… disappointed.”

In a way, that was so much worse.

“You were supposed to save everyone, Light. You were meant to be _important._ ”

“I know,” Lightning tried, guilt swirling in the pit of her stomach once more. “I know that _now,_ but then… I didn’t. I was caught up in my grief, Serah. My guilt. I felt like doing what I did… it would be my atonement for what had happened to you.”

Serah turned sharply towards her. “My death isn’t on your hands, Claire! How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“You can tell me it a thousand times and it still wouldn’t make a difference,” Lightning told her honestly, almost apologetically, because she could see how much Serah hated it. “I’m always going to feel responsible; I was supposed to protect you, and I failed.”

“How could you protect me from the visions?” Serah challenged her. “You didn’t gift them to me; Etro did. And Yeul… the visions killed _her,_ over and over again; so in the end, no matter what happened, I would have died from them all the same. It’s just the way things are.”

“The goddess may have gifted them to you, but I was the one that asked that she did!” Lightning shot back, needing Serah to understand that she wasn’t chosen randomly. “I was trapped there, desperate for you to see me, to know that I needed your help, and so I prayed to Etro. She granted my request, but I didn’t—I didn’t know the price, and I’m _sorry,_ Serah. I am so sorry…”

“Stop,” Serah interrupted, placing her palm on her sister’s cheek. “Look, even if… it doesn’t matter, okay? I don’t regret it, and neither should you. We tried to do the impossible, Light, and even though we failed, we still _tried._ That’s what matters, so please stop blaming yourself; I’ve made my peace with it.”

But Lightning just looked at her sadly, feeling emotion well in her chest that she tried to suppress in order to not cry. Placing her hand atop the one that was on her cheek, she whispered regrettably, “You were just… you were so young. You had your whole life ahead of you.”

“And what were you, an old woman?” Serah countered, trying to make a point. Her fingers tangled with Lightning’s and she brought their linked hands down to her lap. “People die, Claire; some of them just a second after they were born. Maybe we should count ourselves lucky that we had the time that we did, instead of wasting our breath with fruitless wishes for more.”

Lightning raised an eyebrow at that. “Since when did you become the wise sister?”

“Since I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.”

Lightning’s brow furrowed. “About that, how… how long were you here before I came?” she asked, needing to know. “It shouldn’t have been that long, and yet you can do things here with such ease that I feel like it must have been awhile. But that’s impossible, isn’t it?”

“I don’t… I don’t really know how long it’s been,” Serah admitted softly, looking a little distressed about that. Lightning could understand; time ran their life when they were alive, that without it in death, it must be terribly disorienting. “I think time moves differently here, but I can’t tell; there are no days and nights, I don’t have to sleep or eat. Everything is just… endless. But it felt—it felt like forever. I felt like I was without you forever, and so I… I began imagining you instead. It made things easier.”

“Just me?” Lightning asked softly.

“Mostly you,” Serah admitted, her cheeks darkening just slightly. “But… sometimes Snow. Sometimes everyone, really; all my old friends, Noel… I just—I guess I was just terribly lonely here. Yeul… one of them anyway, she sometimes came and talked to me, but her visits were few and far between. I think all of them like to stay together for the most part, which I understand. I mean, they’re all… kind of connected, you know? Like we are but… more.”

Lightning shot her a funny look after that, an unwanted image a seeress orgy assaulting her mind, and Serah’s eyes widened as she realized what her sister was thinking. “Oh my— not like _that!_ ” she exclaimed, hitting Lightning’s shoulder as she laughed. But then she stopped, reevaluated that, and then suddenly her expression matched Lightning’s. “At least, I don’t think so.” She blinked a few times and shook her head to clear it, willing the image out of her mind. Apparently she didn’t want to go there. “I just… I meant that they’re all like the same person basically, so… it’s more than just the bond that we have as sisters.”

“Oh.”

Right.

But then Serah seemed to realize something, and she straightened her spine as she looked at Lightning. “Wait a minute.” Lightning creased her brow in response, and Serah continued, “You said you were in stasis when you came here?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because you weren’t the only one in stasis,” Serah pointedly reminded her. “ _Fang and Vanille were too._ ”

Lightning blinked, trying to process her sister’s words. She didn’t—she hadn’t even thought about that. Why didn’t she think about that? It was so obvious. If she came here when the Goddess fell, then that meant everyone else who was trapped in crystal did as well. “Then they must be here too, right? Somewhere.”

Serah nodded, suddenly looking like she was on a mission. “We should find them—” She went to grab her shirt off the floor, but Lightning clasped her arm, panic suddenly hitting her like a freight train.

“What?” Serah asked, looking back at her curiously.

Lightning swallowed. “…I’m sure they’re fine.”

“Light, they could be separated. _Alone—”_

“One of the Yeuls probably found them,” Lightning tried to rationalize. “They found me, after all. They could—hear me, I guess. If they’re alone and in pain because of it, she’ll find them; if for nothing else, than to teach them to make it stop so she doesn’t have to hear their hearts crying out for one another.”

Realization dawned on Serah’s face; apparently, she hadn’t put much thought into how they ended up together in this place until just now. “That’s how you found me,” she breathed. “Yeul showed you how.” 

Lightning nodded.

“She… came to me when I first got here,” Serah revealed. “Well, a few of them. I guess I—I was in pain too, and they could hear it. They taught me how to—” But then she stopped, realizing something else. “That’s what I heard, wasn’t it? Before. You were… you were in so much pain, Light, and I thought—it seemed like you were crying out for me, but then I figured it was just in my head; just wishful thinking that you really needed me. I mean you were… you were suddenly _there,_ in front of me, completely naked, from out of _nowhere._ Just… flickers though; you weren’t solid, weren’t real, so I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I just didn’t think you were really here; I thought you were still _alive._ But then it stopped and… and she must have showed you, didn’t she? She showed you how to stop it; and that’s why I couldn’t hear you anymore.”

“I guess,” Lightning responded softly, shrugging lightly. She felt a little awkward talking about it, because it wasn’t often that she shared her pain; not even to Serah. “I’m… not really sure how it works.”

By the look on Serah’s face, she wasn’t either. Still, there did seem to be something that connected all of them together, whether it be Etro’s gift, stasis, or something else. And if Yeul could find them, if they could find each other, then it stood to reason that they would be able to find Fang and Vanille, should they only look.

But Lightning didn’t want to look.

“Light, what’s wrong?” Serah asked, her brow creasing in concern as she read the anxiety that came off of her sister in waves. “Why don’t you want to look for them? Did something happen?”

Lightning didn’t answer.

And then, somehow, Serah just _knew._ It was like she could read the expression on Lightning’s face once she finally looked close enough, and her own practically crumpled in realization. “You’re ashamed of me… aren’t you?” The words were barely above a whisper. “You’re afraid they’ll find out what we are to each other.”

“No, Serah, I—” Lightning tried, but her cheeks flared with guilt and she couldn’t hold eye contact. She wasn’t ashamed of _Serah,_ no, but she would be ashamed about what they had done if anyone were to find out. Even in death, it still _mattered._ Lightning wished it didn’t, and yet she couldn’t help how she felt about it.

“Claire, it’s not like we have ‘I just bedded my sister’ tattooed on our foreheads now!” Serah exclaimed, sounding both frustrated and wounded by how Lightning was acting. “And even if we did, what would it matter? We’re _dead;_ what bearing is it even going to have on us? We can just create ourselves a new space and hide away in it forever, if we wanted.”

“Would you say that if it was Snow we were trying to find?” Lightning shot back. “How would you feel if he found out what we did? Because I’m pretty damn sure that you’d feel mortified and guilty.”

At the thought, a wave of emotion passed over Serah’s face and she had to look away from her. “That’s… it’s different,” she tried to rationalize. “I committed myself to Snow when I was alive, and you—” She looked sharply at her sister then, and Lightning could tell by her expression that she had jumped to the completely wrong conclusion.

“ _No,_ ” she told her, before Serah could even ask. “Not with either of them. I’m just… I’m trying to explain to you how I feel about someone finding out, and that was the easiest comparison I could make. Serah, you… you had said, when we started this, that there was no one here to judge us. You knew that thought would make me more comfortable, so why are you acting surprised when I tell you that I’m worried about the idea that someone will know?”

Serah sighed, pursed her lips, and then said nothing for quite a long time. She picked idly at the fabric of the duvet before she finally, and abruptly, stood from the bed, grabbing her shirt off the ground. “Where are you going?” Lightning demanded.

Serah pulled her shirt around her body. “I’m going to find them.”

“Serah!”

“Look, I get why you’re afraid of them knowing,” Serah told her sharply, turning towards her as she buttoned up her blouse. “And I understand that. I don’t—I guess when I really think about it, I don’t want anyone to ever know either. But they’re your _friends,_ Lightning; and if you won’t find them, then I will, because I know eventually you’re going to regret leaving them alone.”

Lightning’s lips pursed into a thin line and she said nothing, knowing her sister was right. Her choice to stay here was a cowardly one, and if there was one thing Lightning constantly hated herself for, it was her selfish, fearful decisions. She had created ‘Lightning’ with the intention of shedding all of those things from her and becoming anew, but at the end of the day, she was still the same person, just with a different name.

So Lightning took a breath, resolved herself to be a better person – a better _friend_ – and nodded as she stood from the bed. “Let’s go find them.”

It wasn’t as easy as they thought it would be. Serah and she were bound by so much more than just being Etro’s chosen, and thus it was easier for them to find one another. Their hearts cried out for each other, reaching in the darkness to find their home, but with Fang and Vanille… it wasn’t like that. Perhaps it was for _each other,_ but for Serah and Lightning, all they shared with them was the fact that they were all touched by the Goddess when they awoke from their first stasis. Because of the lack of time in the Shadow Realms, Lightning wasn’t certain how long it took for them to finally find their way to them, but eventually they did.

They were together, thankfully. Apparently they had been for a while, being able to find one another fairly quickly with Yeul’s help. Lightning was beginning to wonder how awful it must be for her, for all of them; to constantly hear the pain from others who were once blessed by Etro, as they themselves were. Yeul was _the_ seeress, and as such it seemed to affect her more than the others that shared her gift, yet saw so little in comparison to her. Like Serah.

Serah never heard anyone but Lightning, apparently, and even then it didn’t seem to be as intense as whatever it was that Yeul heard from her.

Eventually, they all fell into a routine. Which in retrospect was probably ridiculous, as what routine did the afterlife need, yet in a way it was almost like living, save the need for food and sleep. Fang and Lightning would spar with one another from time to time, as they both ended up finding themselves restless with the lack of excitement that death brought them, and then Lightning would come ‘home’ to Serah, to whatever house or place she had conjured up for them, and exercise in an entirely different way. 

Sometimes the four of them would spend time together – laughing, talking, reminiscing about ‘old times’ – but then there were other times when the two couples wouldn’t see each other for what seemed like ages. Everything bled together though, and it really was hard to tell how long anything was anymore; Lightning tried to estimate once how long they had all been trapped here, but for all she knew, it could have been just a few months or a couple hundred years. It was incredibly disorienting, and so Lightning had to learn to just not think about it, as it didn’t really matter anymore anyway.

Because of how easy it was to find one another again once they had already reconnected though, eventually the inevitable happened. Lightning and Serah had tried to hide it, but when Fang and Vanille could quite literally _pop up anywhere,_ an inconvenient time was bound to happen. It was Vanille who had caught them in a compromising position, and after a squeaked, “Oh!” of surprise, she apologized profusely before leaving, no doubt to tell Fang what it was that she had witnessed.

Lightning refused to see either one of them for a long time after that.

But then Serah had a vision; her first one since she died. Yeul had told Lightning once, what seemed like such a long time ago, that the gift would never leave them, yet she had forgotten about it due to the fact that neither of them had experienced one since. But this… this was a big one; one that neither of them could ignore, nor knew how to deal with.

So while Serah tried to find Yeul, needing to know if what she saw was true, Lightning was left alone. Or, at least, she thought she was.

“Look who finally decided to come out of the shadows and grace us with her presence.”

Lightning immediately tensed before she turned on her heel to face Fang, who somehow managed to find her within a ridiculously short amount of time. “What the hell are you doing here?” she demanded, feeling defensive from the fresh wave of mortification that crept up her spine.

“Something’s wrong,” Fang answered, a guess that wasn’t really a guess, because she just _knew._ “Vanille and I could feel it, and whatever it is, it shattered what was left of your defenses, because _voila._ ” She gestured to herself with her hands, which just made Lightning scowl as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Where is she then?”

“Trying to find Serah. She’s worried about her,” Fang answered as she crossed the space between them. “She’s her friend, y’know, or did you end up forgetting that after you locked her away in your little box of secrets?”

Lightning bit the inside of her cheek and said nothing.

“You shouldn’t flatter yourself so much,” Fang told her, eying the other woman up and down. She was clearly upset at being shut out, but it wasn’t in her nature to say so. “Cause I can guarantee you, neither of us care what you both do in your free time, if that’s what all this crap has been about.”

Lightning scoffed, wishing her cheeks didn’t flare at the implication as much as they did. “Right,” she responded disbelievingly.

“You do get that Vanille and I were raised like sisters too, yeah?” Fang questioned, arching an eyebrow. “Yet I fuck her like there’s no tomorrow, so you really think I care what you’re doing?”

“There _is_ no tomorrow,” Lightning countered, avoiding the point. “Not for us.”

“It’s an expression, Light; try to keep up.”

Lightning rolled her eyes, her grip on her arms as she held them across her chest becoming firmer. She was silent for a long time, and Fang was too as she just eyed her, waiting patiently for her to crack. It didn’t take as long as Lightning wished it did. “But you’re not,” she finally said, her voice soft and embarrassed. “Sisters, I mean. Not really.”

“You know where we are, right?” Fang responded, twirling her finger in the air to indicate the realm they had all fallen into. “Explain to me how any of that matters here.”

“It just… does.”

“Well that’s your own issue, Soldier Girl,” Fang told her, shrugging like it didn’t matter, yet Lightning knew it did. She could read it all over her face. “So if you wanna wallow in your incest guilt go right ahead, but do me a favor and try not to shut out your friends while you’re at it, yeah? Because you two are all Vanille and I have here.”

Lightning’s gaze met the floor at that, beginning to feel guilty about how she had reacted. She was just so… _mortified_ , from being caught in that kind of position. Even if it wasn’t her own sister she was bedding she would’ve been embarrassed, but because it was Serah it just seemed… worse, somehow. Which now Lightning found herself questioning, because if it had been, shouldn’t Fang be horrified by it? Maybe here, nothing really did matter anymore. Or maybe it was just them, and the way they were raised. Regardless, Lightning didn’t have much reason anymore to lock Serah and herself away from the only friends they had in this place, and she knew it.

“So,” Fang continued, when all she was met with was Lightning’s silence. “You gonna tell me what’s going on, or are you going to make me guess?”

Lightning released a breath, feeling the emotion well up in her chest. She was silent for a moment longer as she struggled to keep it at bay, before she looked up at her friend and revealed, “We’re going to wake up.”

Confusion flickered across the huntress’ face. “What?”

“From stasis; Serah had a vision,” Lightning explained, her words coming out strained as she wrung her hands together anxiously. “I don’t know when it’s happening, but it’s—it’ll be soon.”

Fang released a long breath, trying to process that. “So when you say ‘we,’ you mean—”

“The both of us… and Vanille.”

“But not Serah,” Fang finished for her, her tone turning sympathetic as she realized why it was that Lightning was so upset. Serah’s body wasn’t in crystal stasis like the rest of them; she was just dead. There was no coming back for her if she didn’t have a body to return to. “Light… I’m sorry.”

Hot tears stung the back of Lightning’s eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall; she refused to be that weak. Instead she just turned from Fang as she sucked in a deep breath, trying to collect herself. After a moment a gentle hand was placed on the small of her back, a gesture of comfort that instead made Lightning stiffen. Fang seemed to expect that though, so she just stayed still until Lightning relaxed of her own accord.

“You’re gonna see her again, you know,” Fang tried once Lightning’s muscled had loosened and a small sigh escaped the guardian’s lips. “I mean hell, you gotta die for real sometime, right?”

“ _Really_ doesn’t make it better.”

“I know,” Fang responded softly, before her hand clasped around Lightning’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “But it’s the best I got right now.”

Lightning turned to look at her, giving her a tiny, tightlipped smile in gratitude. She appreciated that Fang even bothered to try, as it was probably much more than she deserved after being so distant from her and Vanille. She took another breath then, just trying to move past this crippling emotion until she was alone and able to give into it. Thankfully, Fang was able to distract her with, “So how the hell are we gonna wake up anyway? Thought the only one who could do that was Etro, and she’s long gone.”

Lightning shrugged helplessly as she revealed what she knew. “The ‘one true God’ is going to awaken us; whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

“But there’s a ton of fal'Cie Gods—”

“I know,” Lightning interrupted, knowing Fang was going to ask a question she didn’t have an answer to. “But maybe things have changed; who knows how long we’ve been here anymore. With Etro gone, maybe one of them decided to overthrow the rest and wipe them out; how would we know?”

“…True,” Fang responded, understanding Lightning’s point. “Still, I don’t trust it. If this guy’s gonna awaken us, then he’s gotta have an agenda, and I for one am done playing puppet for the Gods.”

Lightning wanted to agree with that, but in reality, what could they do to fight against it? If this God wanted them to wake up, then they were going to wake up whether they liked it or not. It was a fact Lightning hated beyond anything else, yet knew in the end she had to accept, as denying it would change nothing; in the end, she would be taken from Serah either way.

It was a thought that ripped her heart in two.

“It’s okay,” Serah tried to assure her much later, her thumb wiping away the singular tear that Lightning would ever shed over this. She was trying to be optimistic, and Lightning wished she could hate her for that; she needed to know she wasn’t the only one devastated by this, and yet Serah was, infuriatingly, trying to make Lightning be okay with what she couldn’t control by accepting it without question. “You’re going to save everyone, just as I saw before,” Serah told her, giving her a soft smile. “Everything’s going to work out just as it should.”

“ _Fuck_ everyone else, Serah,” Lightning responded strongly, grasping onto her sister’s hand that was placed delicately on her cheek. “I don’t—I _can’t_ leave you alone again. I won’t.”

Serah tilted her head, giving her sister a sad smile as she reminded her, “You don’t have a choice.”

Lightning felt her throat tighten, and a fierce anger rose up within her at always having to bend to a fal'Cie’s will. “To hell with that,” she shot back furiously, getting up from their bed to storm off to—where? Where could she go? What could she _do?_ But Lightning was just angry, and she needed to get away. Serah should have known that, should have recognized that her sister needed the space, and yet she clasped onto Lighting’s wrist all the same.

“Lightning, please—”

“How can you be okay with this?!” Lightning demanded, whipping around to face her as she misplaced her blame. “What the hell did Yeul tell you to make you just _accept_ that something like this could ever be alright?”

For years, all she and Serah did was fight to see one another again; went through _hell_ to be together again. And for what, so they could do it all over again once they finally got a break? Were they forever doomed to repeat this cycle of love and loss? Because Lightning didn’t know if she could handle any more of it. She might be stronger than most, but like everybody else, she had a weakness; and that weakness’s name was Serah Farron.

“Because she… she saw God’s plan,” Serah admitted softly, sliding her hand from her sister’s arm to tangle their fingers together. Lightly pulling on her hand, Serah guided Lightning back down to the bed. “Claire, the world… it’s _ending._ ”

“Explain to me how that’s my problem.”

“Don’t,” Serah scolded firmly. “Don’t act like you don’t care, when we both know that you have friends there as much as I do. What do you think’s going to happen to them if you don’t go back?”

“Serah, it’s been years, if not centuries; they’re probably all dead by now.”

“Yeah? Then where are they?” Serah challenged, gesturing at the space around them. “They were touched by the Goddess just as much as we were; if they had died, they would have come here and we would have felt them. We’re connected, Light; all of us.”

Lightning pursed her lips into a thin line, knowing Serah spoke the truth and not knowing how to counter it. But it had been… it _must_ have been ages, right? How was it that they were all still alive? “Then what happened?” she questioned. “Why aren’t they here? Do you even _know?_ ”

Serah chewed lightly on her bottom lip. “They’re… trapped,” she told her softly. “What Noel and I did, trying to repair the timeline, in the end all it did was cause more paradoxes and allowed the Chaos to bleed into the world. Everything just… stopped. It became a contradiction that broke time itself. Nobody—nobody ages anymore, Light; nobody changes, or does anything else that makes them human, and it… it’s my fault.”

“It’s _Caius’_ fault,” Lightning told her strongly. “ _Not_ yours.”

Serah didn’t argue with her, but she didn’t look like she agreed with her either. She looked away for a moment before her eyes met her sister’s again and she told her, “This… God, Bhunivelze; the one who holds dominion over this realm, he’s the only one left anymore. Yeul told me he’s planning to create a new world, a _better_ world, where everyone can live again.”

“Yeah, everyone except you,” Lightning responded flatly, still failing to see her motivation. Well, alright, that wasn’t entirely true. A part of her was still worried for Sazh and his son, for Hope, even a little bit for Snow, although she’d be loathed to ever admit it. Still, she didn’t want to live in this new world if it meant being separated from Serah. She had paid her dues, hadn’t she? Why couldn’t this fal'Cie just leave her alone?

“Maybe,” Serah responded, her fingers tracing delicate patterns on the back of Lightning’s hand. She paused then, her fingers stilling momentarily as she finished quietly, “But maybe not.”

Lightning froze. “…What are you talking about?”

Serah looked up at her, catching her gaze. “Yeul said… that God is going to present you with an offer; one that your heart will be unable to refuse.”

Lightning sucked in a sharp breath. “And you believe he’s going to offer to bring you back as well?” It was a wish that Lightning didn’t want to actually fathom, because if it turned out not to be true then it would devastate her. 

“Well I am your heart, Claire… aren’t I?” Serah responded softly, although her voice caught at the end, as though she was suddenly unsure about that. It made Lightning’s heart clench in her chest as she reached for her, cupping the back of her sister’s neck and pulling her in for a kiss.

“Of _course_ you are,” Lightning breathed against her lips, feeling her sister’s turn up into a gentle smile at the assurance. “You’re my heart; you’re my everything, Serah. Always.”

Serah nuzzled into her neck, weaving her fingers through rose colored tresses as she placed a gentle kiss against her skin. “I don’t want you to leave me,” she admitted in a whisper, for the first time sounding broken up about it. Her voice cracked as the words left her lips, and Lightning held her tighter. “But… we’re a part of something bigger. And in the end, even if I don’t get invited into this new world, we’ll see each other again.” Looking up at her, Serah brushed a strand of hair away from Lightning’s eyes as she promised, “I’ll wait for you, Claire; as long as it takes for you to come back to me.”

Emotion welled up in Lightning’s chest, constricting her throat as she closed her eyes, resting her forehead against her sister’s. She hated this, but what would Bhunivelze do to them both if she tried to defy him? If he really was the only fal'Cie left in the world, it meant he was powerful. What was she, in comparison to that?

Suddenly, Lightning found that she had never felt so small.

But they made the most of their time together. They clung to each other as though they were each other’s last breath, never wasting a moment. Lightning made love to her for what seemed like a century, never wanting it to end in fear that at any moment, it would; that she would be ripped from Serah’s arms and returned to a world that she no longer belonged in. And then, what seemed like ages later, Serah convulsed in her arms, her eyes masking over with a milky white as she whispered fearfully, “It’s time.”

“No!” Lightning cried out, reaching for her. She had prepared herself for this moment for so long, and yet in the end, it didn’t matter. She still wasn’t ready. But the world they had made for themselves dissipated around them, becoming nothing but wisps of blackened smoke. Suddenly, Serah slipped from her arms, falling away to nothing like she was as delicate as the wind. “Serah!” Lightning screamed, distress etching across her face before, in a blink of an eye, she was violently ripped from the only world she felt like she had ever known.

Everything was a blur; colors and shapes were indistinguishable, and her anger, distress, and fear made Lightning feel like she was going to vomit. She could barely move, could barely think, and yet as she felt herself hit something solid, Lightning’s one and only thought was: _Serah._

That was, until a loud, booming voice of a fal'Cie God addressed her with, “ _Savior._ ” And as Lightning looked up sharply, her gaze taking in the huge form of Bhunivelze, she knew instantly that she truly didn’t have any choice about what was going to come next. 

For what lay delicately in the palm of his hand, what drew her attention more than anything else, was her one and only weakness.

Her heart; her everything, her Serah.

**THE END**


End file.
